Proverbs 31 Woman

Before we get started, let’s take a look at all 31 verses.  (Go ahead and read them, I’ll wait)

In verses 1 through 9, we see the mom telling her son how to be a king.  In verses 10 through 31, we see the mom telling her son what to look for in a wife and it takes her 22 verses to do that! This mom had more to say on finding a wife than on being a king.  Apparently, it doesn’t take much to run a country, but finding a wife is a huge undertaking!  But she didn’t want him to find just a wife – she wanted him to find a virtuous wife.

Verse 10 says:  Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies.

Being a virtuous woman is valuable – above the worth of rubies.  I didn’t know what a ruby was worth so I did a little googling.  Basically, I learned that rubies are twice as valuable as diamonds because diamonds are more common than rubies.  It is harder to find a ruby than it is to find a diamond.  This mom must have known that it would be harder to find a virtuous wife.   We are also told in the Bible that having wisdom is better than rubies.   Job 28:18 says:   No mention shall be made of coral or quartz, for the price of wisdom is above rubies.   And Proverbs 3:15 speaks about wisdom this way:  She is more precious than rubies, and all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.

So, we see that a virtuous wife is worth more than rubies – similar to wisdom.  It is no wonder that the mom of Proverbs 31 would instruct her son to find a virtuous wife.   However, regardless of whether you are a wife or not, it is still wise to be virtuous.

Ruth was a single woman, a widow.  Ruth was also a virtuous woman – Ruth 3:11 says:  And now, my daughter, do not fear.  I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman.   Boaz knew it and all the townsfolk knew it.  Ruth behaved herself.  She didn’t go running after everything in trousers trying to find a husband.  She respected her elders and followed the advice given to her by Naomi.  Ruth had a good reputation.  This made her very desirable as a wife.  No one wants a spouse that they are ashamed of.  Boaz was confident that he would not have to worry about that with Ruth.  The mom of Proverbs 31 is instructing her son to find a wife that will not cause him embarrassment.   People are always watching and our behavior speaks volumes about us. 

For all you single ladies, I want to encourage you to focus on the things that are of value to God and let God handle your marital status.   I heard this little saying on the radio one morning and it has been stuck in my head: “In His time, not mine - for He has a plan for me.”  We must believe that God knows our needs and we must trust God to provide for those needs.  You are precious in His sight.  Remember, even if you do not have a husband while on this earth, you have a heavenly bridegroom that is just crazy about you!   

On to verse 11:  The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.

Her husband trusts her.  He can safely trust her.  There is no fear that she will dishonor him or violate that trust.  For some of us, it can be hard to safely trust anyone.  There may be a little shred of doubt that holds us back.  Maybe we have been hurt before and we are afraid to take the chance.  Maybe we are afraid that someone will make a fool out of us if we trust them.  What about trusting God?  Do we trust Him totally or do we hold back a little?  The Bible has a lot to say about trusting the Lord.  Some examples are:

Psalm 37:3: Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.   Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Proverbs 3:5-6:  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

When we don’t understand, can we still trust God?  When things don’t go the way we planned, can we still trust?   Trust is fundamental in relationships.  A marriage is built on trust.  Friendships are built on trust.  Without trust, relationships will crumble.  That includes our relationship with the Lord. 

Let’s continue on to the last part of verse 11 which says that this husband also has no lack of gain.  I imagine that this husband trusts his wife to be a good steward with their resources and his heart.  She isn’t frivolous with the household money, or his love.   She is trustworthy and he isn’t left lacking in his marriage.

But there is more to this wife.  Verse 12 says:    She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.  What does that look like?  We find our answer in God’s Word.

Proverbs 14:1:  The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. 

Proverbs 21:9:  Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Proverbs 21:19:  Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.

Proverbs 25:24:  It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Proverbs 27:15:  A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

Whew!  Do we get the picture?  God has made it clear in His word the kind of wife we are not to be.  Our attitude sets the tone of the home.   Have we created a sanctuary or a stressful place for our family?  Over and over in the word, God tells us that it is not good to live with a contentious (angry, quarrelsome) woman.  When God repeats Himself, it means we should pay extra attention.   If we were to look back over our day would most of our words be pleasant or could we be considered “contentious”?  How do we get to that point where we can do good and not evil?   Psalm 51:10 tells us how:   Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

We can’t do it but God can.  If we try to do it in our own strength, we will fail because our flesh has other plans.  We want others to “do good and not evil” to us.  We want to be treated kindly and with respect.  We want to be encouraged and uplifted.  Only God can give us the ability to “do good and not evil” to those around us.

The mom of our Proverbs 31 lady could have taught her these truths.  Or, she could have learned them at church.  Or she could have learned them the hard way – like most of us – through bad choices we made in the past.  In whatever school she learned these lessons, it took.  Our Proverbs 31 lady relies on the Lord for her ability to do good and not evil.   Are you married?  Have you failed in the “do good and not evil” area?  Welcome to the club!  But we don’t have to keep our club membership current.  God is ready to forgive our past mistakes and put us on His path to “do good and not evil” all the days of our life.  We can safely trust God completely.   

I know that the Proverbs 31 woman is pretty intimidating for a lot of us.  But let’s think about this for a minute.  What is it about this woman that intimidates us?  Is she a “supermom”?   Does she bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan?  We are really no different than this woman when it comes to the things that she does.   The Proverbs 31 lady made clothes for her family (verse 13, 19, 21), it was part of her culture.  In our culture, we typically “make” a trip to the store to clothe our families.  End result is that our families are clothed.   Our Proverbs 31 lady fed her family (verse 14-15).  Do we feed our families?   Of course we do.  The way we get our food and prepare it is different because of our cultural differences, but again the end result is the same – our families are fed.  The similarities go on – she serves in her community (verse 20), and she tries to find the best deal she can in providing for the family’s needs.  It appears that she may have worked outside the home (verse 16, 24), as well as inside the home.  Her days are long – she gets up early and goes to bed late just so that she can get it all done (verse 17-18).  Sound familiar?   So, let’s put away any intimidation that we may have felt and move onto what characteristics this woman had that made her special. 

Verse 25 - Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come.

Verse 26 – She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. 

For the 1^st characteristic, let’s look at verse 26.  She opens her mouth with wisdom.   Proverbs 4:7 says this:  Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom.  Sounds pretty simple doesn’t it?  If you want wisdom, just get it!  But, you may ask, how do we get it?  Ahhh, the answer is in James 1:5:  If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.  Also in Proverbs 2:6:   For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.    If you want wisdom, ask for it.  God has promised to give it to all who ask.

The question then is have we really asked God for wisdom?  Or do we only want information concerning a certain situation?  So many times I ask God for wisdom concerning something but I don’t use it when He gives it to me.  Praying for wisdom is of no use unless we use it.  God will give us wisdom – His word says so.  But are we using it?  We can have all the wisdom there is, but it is nothing if we don’t use it. 

Some of you may have seen that TV show called Hoarders.  People hoard all types of stuff.  Can you imagine hoarding wisdom?  Afraid to use it because you don’t want to run out?  So, we keep asking God for wisdom and He gives it to us and we pile it on top of the wisdom we already have.  We save it for a rainy day.  We save it for a really big decision.  But we don’t use it daily.  Use wisdom – squeeze out every last drop of it.  God will give us more. 

Proverbs 2:10 says:  When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, discretion will preserve you, understanding will keep you.

There is another woman in the Bible that wanted wisdom.  Eve wanted wisdom – she wanted to be as wise as God - but she went about getting it the wrong way.  What she got was knowledge – she ended up knowing that she did not make a wise choice.

Verse 30 – Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

The 2^nd characteristic of our Proverbs 31 lady is that she “feared the Lord”.  When I was much younger, long before I got saved, I thought that “fearing the Lord” meant that you were supposed to be afraid of Him.  No one explained to me what that meant.  So, as I grew up, I was afraid of God.  It is hard to love someone that you are afraid of.   I grew up with the attitude that I better watch out or “God will get me”.  I better not sin or God is going to send me to hell.  I was afraid.  I can’t even imagine how grieved God must have been knowing that I was afraid of Him for reasons that were not true.  Nowhere in the Bible does it tell us to be afraid of God. 

So, let’s look at some verses that describe fearing the Lord.

Psalm 25:12 – Who is the man that fears the Lord?  Him shall he teach in the way he chooses.

Psalm 112:1 – Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who delights greatly in His commandments

Psalm 128:1 – Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways

Psalm 128:4 – Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord

How can a man be blessed if he is “afraid” of God.  So, to “fear” the Lord isn’t talking about being afraid.  It is talking about realizing just how awesome and powerful and glorious He is.  When we realize that, we will be in awe of Him, which is basically what “fearing” the Lord is.  We will want to please God because He is so awesome.  We will want to do what His Word tells us.  We will delight in Him.  We will be in awe of Him.  That makes it a lot easier to understand how we can be blessed by simply being in awe of Him.  

The Bible also speaks about a man who feared the Lord and how much God bragged on him.  It is found in Job 1:8 – Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?”  Now we all know what happened to Job.  God allowed Satan to take his health, his possessions, his children and his wealth.  But Job did what it says in Psalm 112:1 – Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who delights greatly in His commandments.   And in Psalm 128:1 – Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways.

Job never wavered.  He was still in awe of God and continued to be a blameless and upright man. And God blessed him with more than he ever had.  The Bible is true – as stated in Psalm 128:4 – Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Our Proverbs 31 lady had wisdom and she feared the Lord.  You can labor all day long trying to do the right thing – but if you don’t fear the Lord, if you don’t have wisdom – your efforts will be in vain and you will not achieve the end result that you desire.  The Proverbs 31 lady feared the Lord and had wisdom.  And so can we.